


Playing Games

by Gooseberrybrains



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 04:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21173195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gooseberrybrains/pseuds/Gooseberrybrains
Summary: Remus and Sirius have been mooning over each other for months. James decides it's time to take action and push the issue by asking Sirius out himself. How could that possibly go wrong?





	Playing Games

**Author's Note:**

> Another fix that started out as a Tumblr drabble and grew into something bigger. It's a bit ridiculous but still believable in my opinion.
> 
> No beta so excuse any errors.

“Well if  _ you _ won’t do it, I will!” James burst out, throwing his arms up in exasperation. 

“I- what? That doesn’t even make any sense,” Remus protested. 

“Sure it does, James said. “ _ Somebody _ needs to do it and it should be you, but since you clearly have your head too far up your own ass to see that…”

Remus shook his head in confusion. “But you like Lily.”

“Yes,” James admitted. “She is a beautiful flower, and would agree with me that you are being an idiot.”

Remus rubbed his temples in frustration. He could see that James was warming to his idea and there would likely be no talking him out of it now. Still, this was the most ridiculous idea James had ever had. 

Remus sighed and tried again. “James, you’re not even gay.”

“So? I could be gay. You don’t know,” James argued. He started walking very purposefully through the courtyard. “Maybe I am gay and I just don’t know it yet. Come to think of it, this would be a great way to find out!”

“Er… that’s not- I mean, you can’t-” Remus quickened his pace to keep up with James’ long-legged stride. “Prongs, wait!”

James spun around abruptly and jabbed a finger in Remus’ face. “Are  _ you  _ going to ask him?” he demanded. 

Remus flushed again to his dismay and managed to stutter out a response. “What? No, I told you…”

James turned on his heel again, and kept walking toward the lake. Remus could see Sirius and Peter sitting under their usual tree, books forgotten in the grass beside them. 

“Oi, Padfoot!” James shouted as he drew closer. 

Sirius and Peter both looked up as did several other students that were lounging around the lake. Remus groaned and hid his face in his hands. 

“You bellowed, Prongs?” Sirius answered with a mischievous grin. 

“Come to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow.” James paused and gave Remus a pointed look before turning back to his friend. “As a  _ date, _ ” he added very deliberately. 

Sirius stared at James in shock for a moment while Peter did an accurate impression of a goldfish. Sirius glanced quickly at Remus and then turned back to James, plastering a big smile on his face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

***

“Potter did WHAT!?” Lily screeched. 

Remus winced and repeated himself reluctantly. “He asked Sirius on a date to Hogsmeade tomorrow.”

“Wha-  _ why?” _

Remus shrugged and mumbled under his breath, startling when Lily grabbed him by the collar of his robes and jerked him closer. 

“Remus, you tell me what’s going on right now. Do not make me do something we'll both regret later.” She snarled at him. 

He blanched. “James wanted  _ me  _ to ask Sirius to Hogsmeade. I said I wouldn’t do it so he asked him instead. I don’t know what he’s trying to prove,” Remus answered helplessly. 

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. “You are all idiots.”

Remus sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “That's probably true because I haven’t understood a thing that’s happened all day.”

“Here’s the plan, Lupin,” Lily stated firmly. “We are going to Hogsmeade tomorrow on a date.”

“I don’t see how that’s going to help…” Remus began. 

Lily silenced his protests with a glare. “ _ Because _ we are going to show those gits that they can’t mess around with us.”

“But I’m gay,” Remus objected. 

“Not tomorrow, you aren’t,” Lily said, punching him on the shoulder. 

Remus frowned and rubbed his arm. “Um, okay?”

“Come on, Remus. Let’s go tell Potter and Black that we are going on a double date with them.” Lily said, grabbing his hand and dragging Remus toward his friends at the Gryffindor table. 

Most of the students had already sat down for dinner, but there were two empty seats across from James and Sirius. Lily pushed Remus down on the bench and sat beside him, giving the boys a sunny smile. 

“James,” she said brightly. “I heard you and Sirius are going on a date tomorrow!”

James exchanged a cautious glance with Sirius before responding. “Uh, yeah that’s right.”

“Great! Remus here just asked me to be his date!” Lily flashed them a wide smile and stroked Remus’ arm. “We should double!”

James narrowed his eyes at Remus while Sirius looked stunned. Remus tried to hunch down toward his plate but Lily jabbed him in the ribs. He straightened again with a yelp, and forced a smile at his friends. 

“A double!” James exclaimed. “What a great idea, don’t you think, Padfoot?”

Sirius was watching Remus with an indecipherable look on his face. He didn’t even look away when he answered James. “Sounds brilliant, Prongs.”

Peter shoved another chip in his mouth and looked on with interest. 

  
  


***

Awkward nightmare. That was the only way to describe this Hogsmeade trip. Remus wanted nothing more than for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Where was a natural disaster when he needed one? If Hell was customized for each person, this would be his. And really, James was about to set him on fire with the power of his angry glare alone.

Remus had tried to keep this “double date” as neutral and innocuous as possible. He had tried to keep his hands on his butterbeer and his eyes on the table. He had hoped not to draw attention to himself. Clearly, the universe was not on his side today. 

Lily grabbed his arm and tucked it into hers almost immediately, lacing their fingers together tightly and refusing to let him pull away. She then leaned into him, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. With every movement, James’ eyes narrowed until he was glowering at Remus through furious slitted lids. He reached an arm out and hooked it around Sirius’ neck, yanking him close but never taking his eyes off of Remus and Lily. Sirius made a quiet choking noise and James loosen his grip but didn't release him. Remus rather thought it looked like James was trying to throttle Sirius but that didn't stop him from frowning at the display. 

Sirius caught his eye and a smug grin lit up his face. “What’s the matter, Moony?”

“Nothing,” Remus gritted out through clenched teeth. 

Lily, perhaps sensing a chink in the armor, leaned up and kissed Remus on the cheek. Sirius’ grin turned into a scowl and he grasped ahold of James’ tie, using it to yank his face closer before mashing their lips together. It looked awkward. And painful. And it was still somehow rage-inducing.

Arching a challenging eyebrow at the boys, Lily took Remus’ face in her hands and pressed a delicate, open-mouthed kiss to his lips. While it was nice for what it was, she wasn't the one he wanted to be kissing. Remus pushed her away gently and looked across the table at his friends.

James and Sirius were both glaring angrily at them though James’ gaze was focused solely on Remus. Sirius looked equal parts hurt and pissed off, and Remus got a distinct feeling that he was calculating his next move.

Peter, on the other hand, looked like he was watching a Quidditch match with the way his head was turning left and right. His mouth hung open, and his eyes were wide as he turned his gaze from couple to couple watching the horror show unfold. 

Sirius and James appeared to decide simultaneously that the best course of action was to up the ante on the kiss. They turned to each other and did an awkward head tilt trying to get the angle right but kept bumping noses. This developed into a silent skirmish between them in which James tried to grab Sirius by the jaw and Sirius poked James in the eye.

Remus sighed and dropped his head in his hands, feeling thoroughly fed up with the whole situation. “Fuck it,” he muttered and then stood, pushing his chair back from the table. He raised his wand and cast an  _ aguamenti  _ at Sirius and James who were still each trying to dominate their attempted kiss. A jet of water doused them both, causing them to break apart and look at Remus in surprise.

“I think that some people have forgotten a couple of important things,” Remus said quietly. “James, you’re not gay, and frankly, thank Merlin because that was horrifying to watch. Also, I  _ am  _ gay, and it should, therefore, be fairly obvious that I have no romantic interest in Lily. I don't want to play these ridiculous games anymore.” Remus locked eyes with Sirius and laughed in a self-deprecating way. “So maybe I should have just asked you to Hogsmeade myself. I dare say that I'm a better kisser than James.”

“Oi, hang on!” James protested. “I happen to be a great kisser when I'm not trying to kiss my best mate.”

Remus shook his head in amusement. “I’ll let Lily be the judge of that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve had enough embarrassment for one day.” 

He turned and left the bar, not stopping or turning around when Sirius, and then Lily, called his name. 

***

Remus made it halfway up the path to Hogwarts when a hand clapped down on his shoulder. He turned to see Sirius, red-faced and panting, clearly having run to catch up with him. Sirius wheezed and held up a finger before hunching over with his hands on his knees. 

“Fuck Moony, how do you walk so fast?” Sirius gasped.

Remus shrugged. “Equal parts humiliation and years of practice running from my feelings.”

“You shouldn't be humiliated, Moony,” Sirius said, as he straightened and took a step closer to Remus. “ _ James  _ should be for that disaster of an idea, and  _ I _ should be for going along with it, but you didn't do anything to be embarrassed about.”

“Oh please!” Remus laughed. “You and James have no shame. Nothing embarrasses you two.”

”Alright, that's true enough,” Sirius admitted, taking another step toward Remus. “So why did you let Prongs ask me to Hogsmeade?”

Remus sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep himself from touching Sirius. “I didn't think you would be interested in me that way, and I didn't want to make things awkward between us. Also, James is a twat.”

Sirius let out a breathy laugh and moved forward until their toes were almost touching. “You know what I’m wondering?”

“What?” Remus murmured.

“Are you really a better kisser than Prongs?”

“Well,” Remus pretended to consider this. “We don't really tend to go around kissing the same people, so I guess there has never been a proper test.”

Sirius bit his lip and smiled. “ _ I’ve _ kissed him.”

“That’s true,” Remus agreed and leaned into the warmth of Sirius’ body. He removed his hands from his pockets and twisted them into the leather of Sirius’ jacket. Sirius’ lips parted in surprise, and his eyes darkened, and then Remus was kissing him. He forgot to care about the disaster that was today’s Hogsmeade trip because he was too busy focusing on Sirius’ lips and tongue and teeth. Just when, in Remus’ opinion, things were getting interesting, a wolf whistle cut through the air, causing them to pull away from each other. 

James was walking up the path towards them, hand in hand with Lily. “You’re welcome!” he shouted at Remus, a huge grin on his face.

Remus looked at him in confusion. “What?”

“Got you two together, didn't I?” James said, gesturing at his friends. “I had to get you to pull your heads out of your asses somehow. Handy that Lily here is such a great actress.”

Sirius shook his head in amazement. “Prongsy, you devious bastard.”

Remus gaped at Lily and James, watching them walk away in utter disbelief. He turned to Sirius, his voice a quiet whisper. “I might have to kill him.”

“Yes,” Sirius agreed. “But let's worry about that later. I've got big plans for you right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on  Tumblr !


End file.
